We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
