the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
