anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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