just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
