I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
