Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
