Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
