you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
