i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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