I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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