My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Barsexuality is the new black.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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