I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
