I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
