I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
