God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
third nipple confirmed
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
