I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
