If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
