Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
