I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
