True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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