i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
