life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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