I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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