Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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