Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Pants are for mortals
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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