I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
They are going to name an STD after you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
