I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
organizing the empties. That sober.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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