we made out on top of his cat.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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