My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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