She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
