Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
