dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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