went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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