Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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