don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize
