People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
