We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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