guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
