hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
