Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
