He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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