I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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