I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
