I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My cat gives me a boner
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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