Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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