Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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