In the future we'll all be gay
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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