there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
