i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
