He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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