I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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