Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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