And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
