Its about making memories worth repressing
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
