apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
