I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
