weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize