with your own penis?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
