LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just want nice things and good sex
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
