so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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