omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
