me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
