i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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