your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
