I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
