Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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