My hair reeks of homosexuality.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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