maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
