its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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