either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize