I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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