Umm I'm too high to move.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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