Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
