Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
