i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
