sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
