that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
They took my balls.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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