i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
