When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
