worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
