you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Life is so much better after having sex.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
