hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
